Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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