We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
