I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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