That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
