just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there was a trapeze. enough said
no you cant smoke seaweed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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