Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
