Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
