I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
