and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to jail i love you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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