Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
