ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
