Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
