sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
