i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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