what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
