I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i came on her dog
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
