Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Randomize
