Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
