My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
