maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
