i barfeds in our rink
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
