Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
