You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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