Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
