Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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