there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
