I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
