you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
