You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She's the barista slut.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
