i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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