3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
