drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
