So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
