I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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