haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
