He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
