Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

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(908): View more from New Jersey

did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

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(970): View more from Colorado

just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

(713): View more from Texas

lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.

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(510): View more from California

I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.

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