my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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