I got chris browned last night
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
