I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
