tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
