life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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