...so i touched it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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