I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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