i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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