Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just googled if crying burns calories
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
