If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The chlamydia really affected his face.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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