All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
