i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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