Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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