I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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